On second thought...
Damn it! It happened again! [Rant]
Another day dawns when you realize, as a woman, you’ve been silenced. Yup. The more I thought about my message to fellow gamers, encouraging men to vote for the women in their lives, and that message being deleted, the more annoyed and angry I got. I was talking to my son about it and suddenly, I said,
“Son-of-a-bitch! Here I am, a woman speaking up for herself and for all women, and what happened? I was SILENCED! By a man. Son-of-a-bitch! It happened again!”
Then I thought about how I was raised, how my mother was raised. You know the advice we were given, “Keep your comments to yourself.” “Don’t rock the boat.” “Women should be seen and not heard.” These sentiments were said out loud during my mother’s generation, more subtly in my generation, but still said or insinuated in our society, nevertheless.
Statistics show that men interrupt women when they are speaking far more than they interrupt a man. Any woman who has been in a group of men (at work or in social situations) can attest to this fact. Any woman who has made a suggestion for the betterment of a group or project only to be ignored, then heard that same idea reiterated by a man and approved by the group—without crediting her—feels this sentiment of: “Women should be seen and not heard.” in every fiber of our being.
Now, don’t get me wrong, the gaming community I was in had a small and good/kind group of nightly “regulars”, (about 8-12 of us) with additional regulars who were only in text chats rather than voice chats. In the voice chats, most are in their 30s, pushing 40, with a few in their late 20s and another few in their 40s & early 50s. There’s only one other woman in the voice chat and a very rare appearance of the wife of one of the men there, too. We are outnumbered, 10-1 or 10-2.
The point is, these all seem like decent guys but the conversations, inevitably (especially in a few certain games) steers towards penis jokes and/or toilet humor and, while the comments and jokes were not horrendous, they were enough for me to say, “Come on, guys, REALLY? Does everything have to go back to toilet humor and penis/sex jokes? You do realize there are women here, don’t you?”
I’ve even told them, “Look, I’m not a prude, but I’m not playing anymore if you won’t stop.” A couple of other times when I’ve called them on their comments, the only other woman in the group laughed and told me, “Sometimes I’m so glad you’re here. Now you know what I have to put up with.”
But, that’s the thing, isn’t it? WHY DO WE HAVE TO PUT UP WITH IT?! Women who are interested in anything remotely male-dominated (which is practically any industry or sport on this planet, right?), shouldn’t have to “put up with” anything like this in order to participate, ever!
Whatever happened to common courtesy and decency and respect? I think these guys do respect us, but…not enough to curb their language, innuendos, sexist remarks and jokes. And I’m not saying ALL of them do this, a handful do but, you know what? I’m 63 years old and, frankly, as Danny Glover’s character said in Lethal Weapon, “I’m too old for this shit.”
I mean, jfc, you talked about someone’s wife’s ass right in front of him! I was so shocked/stunned, I didn’t say anything because by the time my brain processed what I thought I heard and decided I DID hear it properly, the husband had left, and the guys had moved on.
A girl or woman is in the group? Naww, we don’t need to censor ourselves. She’s used to it. She doesn’t care. If she cares and wants to participate, she’ll just have to get used to it. Well, you know what? Fuck that!
You know why women get so outspoken as we age, especially after 50, and especially after 60? Because we’ve had a friggin’ lifetime of this sort of attitude towards us and we’re tired! We’re tired of putting up with your unwanted advances. We’re tired of having to explain ourselves to you. We’re tired of being on constant alert status. We’re tired of being attacked: verbally, physically, politically!
We’re tired of censoring ourselves! We’re tired of being ignored! We’re tired of being invisible: unheard, unseen and unconsidered! We’re tired of being treated like we don’t matter! By our bosses, our co-workers, our healthcare system, some social circles, our society!
We’re tired of putting up with the sexism, misogyny, and obliviousness of men who aren’t even aware of it in themselves and refuse to take note, become self-aware, shift their perspective, and change their behavior, their words, their actions…for the better.
We know it’s possible! There are men who have evolved, but not enough of them…not yet. My husband was one who had evolved. He was not only my greatest love but also my greatest supporter, and my very best friend. You know why? Because he listened to me; he let me vent. I felt heard. And, I especially miss him at times like these.
To any men who may read this: I want you to know, TODAY, you have the opportunity to evolve. YOU have the opportunity to show your daughters AND your sons, what a real man is: a real man supports his partner, acknowledges her accomplishments and achievements, listens to her needs, respects her wishes, considers her viewpoints in all their discussions and decisions.
A real man is like our current President Joe Biden, former President Barack Obama, Second Gentleman Doug Emhoff, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz: acknowledging their wives’ intelligence, value, worth, achievements, respecting their views and their goals and their dreams.
These are the kinds of men and husbands you should strive to be. The love you get in return from the compassionate, intelligent, confident, talented women in your lives will be more powerful than you can ever imagine.
Is our society, as a nation, getting better? Yes, it’s getting better, but I’m witnessing the age-old sexism and erasure of our achievements every day by columnists or other media pundits. You know who they are: they’re the ones who say that Vice President Kamala Harris isn’t "doing enough” or “good enough” to win this election, or who imply the race is so close, or that women really aren’t that upset or concerned about this election.
I can tell within the first few sentences of these columns whether or not they are written by a man or a woman. It’s that obvious. You can tell they haven’t interviewed or asked any woman in their life about this election, the issues, the weight of it on our shoulders, the fear we feel, and the hope we have. The thin but strong hope that we are grasping onto which Vice President Kamala Harris is offering us. Have they bothered to ask us? Are our views even considered? Nope.
Mark my words…this race will not be as close as everyone thinks. The polls are not to be trusted, good or bad. It is known that statistically, women vote more often and in greater numbers than men…during a regular election.
This is not a “regular” election. Our lives are at risk. Our lives, and our daughters’, sisters’, nieces’, friends’, granddaughters’ lives are in danger. We sure as shit realize what is at stake in this election, and we are coming out in droves! Mark my words, men:
We are not invisible. We WILL be heard. We WILL be seen. You WILL acknowledge our numbers and our power. 💙🙏💙
As Helen Reddy wrote and sang: “I am strong.. I am invincible. I am woman.” [full lyrics here]
So, it’s up to you, the good men of our nation, the likes of my husband and Presidents Biden and Obama, and Second Gentleman Emhoff and Governor Walz, to decide whether or not you are with us in this fight for our most basic human rights.
To be seen as equal. To be valued. To be appreciated. To be acknowledged. To be heard. To be considered.
Will you support us? Do the right thing. Vote!
Another Day Dawns is a reader-supported publication. Trying my best to rebuild my life after loss and become financially independent again, and failing miserably, but…another day dawns to make another attempt.
Please know, you must be a paid subscriber in order to comment. My mental health is too important to deal with trolls, bad actors & the like. Thank you for subscribing, as a free or paid subscriber! I appreciate all of you. 💜 🙏 ☮️